Screen Time and Social Media Use for Kids & Teens: Creating Good Digital Habits for Your Family

For some families, rules about using digital devices can be a real challenge. Plus, protecting your child as they start using social media and texting can also be a struggle. McLean’s Jacqueline Sperling, PhD, walks us through how to make a screen time and social media use plan that supports the whole family.

Find resources and more about the expert below.

Making a Screen Time Plan

Phones, laptops, and TVs—those words alone likely make your heart rate go up, just thinking about all the conflicts and battles you’ve had trying to negotiate your child’s screen time use. You’re certainly not alone.

As challenging as it can be to manage screen use at home, there are some strategies that can help make it more feasible. For families that have access to screen use, it’s important for them to have a screen time plan at home.

Before we get to what a screen time plan can look like, let’s cover what may happen when you develop it and then present it.

It’s helpful for all caregivers involved to develop the plan without children ahead of time, and then present it as a united front so that there’s consistency across caregivers.

When you present it, make sure to give the rationale or reason why you’re presenting this plan in the first place. It’s not just, “Because I said so.” It’s because screen time plans help support your health, both physical and mental health.

When children hear a reason for implementing something, they’re more likely to listen and adhere to it.

Plus, it is important to note that this is a family plan. The adults are going to follow it too.

Children will be more likely to follow it if they see you modeling it as well. If you don’t want your children to have phones at the dinner table, it’s important for you to do the same.

It’s also key to note that this plan isn’t up for negotiation. You’re presenting ahead of time when children ideally are relatively calm and fed, and not in the moment when they’re asking you to use screens. This is so they know what’s to come ahead of time and it’s not up for negotiation because your child has worn you out.

You can decide to change it as you see fit—as children get older, depending on their developmental needs.

How Much Screen Time Is Permitted?

It used to be that the American Academy of Pediatrics said those who are of age to have access to screens should have no more than two hours of recreational screen time use.

Now, the recommendation is that screen use shouldn’t replace everyday activities, such as doing homework, going to school, socializing, and being active. Once all these activities have happened, then kids may have access to screens.

Families may decide to implement a plan where their children have access to screens once all those activities have happened. Some families decide to use that recommendation and also set a time limit, such as the two hours mentioned above.

Earning Access to Screens

As part of the plan, think about how your children earn access to screens. Youth often slip into this perspective that having access to screens is a given. As parents, you are required to give them food, clothing, and shelter. Anything above and beyond that is a privilege. Privileges are earned.

Think about the activities that children need to complete in order to earn access to screens, such as completing their homework and maybe responsibilities around the house. If they don’t complete those activities that day, then they may not earn access to screens that day. They can try again the next day.

Notice the use of the word “earn.” As soon as you use the words “lose” or “take away,” it suggests that a child has lost something that’s a given, so using the word “earn” instead can be helpful.

Make Your Plan Situational

It’s also important to think about the specific situations in which your children might use screens. Perhaps your plan differs on weekdays and weekend days. Think about vacation days—those that involve traveling and those that don’t involve traveling—sick days, plans with friends, sleepovers, and doctor appointments.

The more specific you can get, the less likely it’ll be that a child will put you on the spot and ask you about a situation of which you had not thought.

It’s likely that after you implement this plan, children may be worried about missing out on opportunities with friends who don’t have the same screen time plan. It may be helpful to talk to your children about how to talk to their friends and let them know when they will be available and when they will not be.

Some families decide to have a child give out a parent’s phone number to a friend so that the friend can reach them at other times if needed. A good friend will find a way to reach out if they really want to get ahold of your child.

Teen Use of Social Media

It is important as caregivers to think about at what age you deem it’s appropriate for your teen to have access to social media platforms, if you deem it’s appropriate at all.

The older the age your teen starts, the better. And that’s because of what happens during the stage of adolescence.

Teens are developing quickly, but they get the gas pedals before they get the brakes.

That means that they may post something impulsively and then regret it later. That’s a permanent post.

Plus, they’re going through puberty. They may be going through puberty at different rates than their peers, their bodies are changing, and that constant stream of images that often are filtered offers opportunities for comparisons that may negatively impact how they feel about themselves and also distort how they feel about body image and what’s typical.

Developing Family Rules for Social Media

It will be important to determine how your teens use social media. Perhaps you have a no selfie rule. That can reduce opportunities for permanent footage of your teen online. It also can reduce opportunities for unwelcome feedback from others.

You may also choose to have your teen make sure that they ask you permission to follow someone that they don’t know directly. This can give you opportunities to screen the posts that this person shares and see if they’re appropriate for your teen to see.

Another area to explore is creating a plan to review your teen’s posts with them at a regular frequency, such as at the end of each day. It’s not to pry. It’s not to hover. And this can also apply with texting, when teens first start using texting platforms.

Reviewing together creates an opportunity to collaborate with them and engage them in open conversations. Learn what their takeaways are. Learn what inspires them to post something. Learn how a post affected them.

You can see if they might be vulnerable to misinformation and use that opportunity to clarify things for them. You also can see what kind of information they’re being exposed to.

It’s important to go into these conversations with openness and curiosity: be nonjudgmental. If teens think you’re going to judge them and punish them off the bat, it’s going to shut them down and make them less likely to share in the first place.

It’s an abstract thought for teens to grasp that what they post is a permanent digital fingerprint that they have to be comfortable with, like having up on a billboard for anyone to see. That’s abstract. And teens are only just starting to develop abstract thought.

However, they usually can think about, “Hmm, do I want my parents to see this?” So, if they know that you’re going to see the post later, that might help them think twice about something before they post.

Parents, You’ve Got This

As daunting and overwhelming as it may seem to manage screen time and social media usage, know that there are strategies that can help.