The Mutual Connection Between Healthy Relationships and Mental Health

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

What does a healthy relationship look like? Whether it involves a sibling, parental figure, friend, or life partner, the fundamentals are the same. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, understanding, and support. A healthy relationship consists of several components, including the following.

Trust

Trust is the foundation of all relationships. It means having faith in someone’s consistency and honesty. Trust fosters a sense of security and safety in all relationships. Without trust, relationships can suffer, causing uncertainty and doubt.

Communication

Regular check-ins and honest conversations are vital in sustaining successful relationships. Effective communication requires both speaking and listening. It is essential to share your feelings openly and respectfully. By listening attentively, you can pick up on verbal and non-verbal cues.

Being open and honest can create trust and transparency, prevent misunderstandings, and help build a solid emotional foundation.

Boundaries

Setting and respecting boundaries is critical for building or improving the health of all types of relationships. Boundaries are self-imposed to help clarify what is and isn’t acceptable, ensuring everyone feels safe and respected.

Boundaries can be physical, emotional, mental, or even digital. These markers can include personal space, emotional limits, and expectations for behavior.

Consent

Consent involves mutual agreement and is not limited to romantic relationships—it extends to all sorts of interactions. It entails respecting the individuality and decisions of others while also ensuring that everyone feels comfortable in any given scenario.

Empathy

Empathy is the understanding and acceptance of another person’s feelings. When you put yourself in another person’s shoes and express compassion, you deepen ties and create a supportive environment for honesty and growth.

Empathy can help de-escalate confrontations and foster deeper emotional connections.

Flexibility

Flexibility in relationships means being adaptable and open to change. This quality involves compromising and finding solutions that work for everyone, especially when navigating mental health issues.

Flexibility helps accommodate everyone’s needs and strengthen relationships by showing you value others’ commitments and are willing to adapt.

Respect

Mutual respect is a fundamental, vital ingredient for relationships. Respect involves honoring and treating others’ opinions, feelings, and needs with dignity.

Respecting differences and valuing each person’s unique perspective cultivates understanding and makes room for more love to blossom.

Appreciation

Regularly expressing gratitude and appreciation can enhance any relationship. It helps the other person feel valued and reinforces positive interactions.

Simple actions like saying “thank you” or reciprocating with loving gestures and affection can show someone their efforts are seen.

Self-Care

Self-care ensures you have the emotional and physical energy for yourself and others. Especially when supporting those with mental health challenges, it’s essential to take care of your well-being, too. Balancing caregiving with self-care improves the overall quality of your life and the health of your relationship.

Self-care is specific to the individual. It may involve going for a run, eating a favorite meal, or getting a haircut. Any nourishing activity can be a form of self-care.

Healthy Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable, but handling interpersonal issues constructively is the key to enjoying a healthy and stable relationship. Healthy conflict resolution involves discussing issues with love. It means no yelling, slurs, or hurtful actions.

The goal should always be to understand each other’s perspectives, address problems without blame, and work together to find a path forward.

Staying Realistic About Relationships

We often let ourselves be swayed by the seemingly ideal relationships we observe around us. When we compare ourselves to others, we end up with inflated expectations.

According to relationship experts Jacqueline Olds, MD, and Richard S. Schwartz, MD, people who do not grow up with role models for healthy relationships often look to popular culture for stories about how relationships should work.

If we let ourselves be fooled into thinking that our relationships should be perfect, like those we see movies and on social media, it can prevent us from addressing our unique challenges and can lead to frustration and feelings of failure when reality falls short.

Embracing Healthy Conflicts

It’s important to keep in mind that no relationship is flawless and disagreements are expected. According to Olds and Schwartz, couples can acknowledge relationship imperfections without assuming these are predictors of the relationship’s end. Some conflicts are necessary—and can even be healthy.

“We worry if a couple never seems to fight because there are always points of friction in a relationship,” Olds says. “Couples need to know how to greet those conflicts, resolve them, and make up afterward. Having a fight is an essential part of matching your life to somebody else’s.”

When mental health issues are part of the equation, it’s even more important to stay realistic. Accept that progress may be slow and obstacles are inescapable parts of the journey. Focus on small, manageable steps to improve your relationship. This might include setting healthy boundaries, practicing patience and empathy, and showing consistent support.

Seeking professional help and support when needed is also vital. Therapists, life coaches, counselors, and support groups can provide valuable guidance and resources. They can help you navigate the complexities of relationships affected by mental health issues and offer strategies to improve them. Remember, the goal isn’t to have a perfect relationship but to foster a healthy, supportive, and realistic one.

How Mental Health Conditions Impact Relationships

When you or someone close to you has a mental health disorder, it can affect everyone involved. Mental health concerns impact all types of relationships and tend to cause a ripple effect, leading to tension and stress among your inner circle.

The following list outlines common mental health disorders and their impacts on relationships.

Anxiety

Symptoms of anxiety include worry, avoidance, and controlling behaviors.

Anxiety can create feelings of dependence. Often, people who experience anxiety seek reassurance from those close to them. As a result, other people in the person’s life can feel overwhelmed by having to provide constant reassurance. In a romantic relationship, for example, a partner could start feeling resentful for being leaned on so frequently.

People with anxiety tend to avoid situations they fear, which exacerbates anxiety symptoms and strains relationships. For example, someone who is afraid of driving may eventually give up driving altogether and rely on a partner, family, or friends for transportation.

Another aspect of anxiety involves control. People who experience anxiety can struggle to give up control of others’ behavior and choices. Because of this issue, maintaining boundaries can be a challenge. For example, parents with anxiety may try to control many aspects of their child’s life, even as the child enters adulthood.

Depression

One of the hallmarks of depression is a feeling of disconnection. People who experience depression have a tendency to withdraw.

Friends and family may feel neglected and frustrated as they notice growing distance or a lack of interest in shared activities from a loved one.

For example, feelings of exhaustion may reduce an individual’s capacity to participate in daily interactions, such as showing affection, engaging in conversations, or providing the attention that their loved ones might need.

Romantic partners, especially, may end up feeling isolated. They may wonder why their partner is distant and isn’t communicating effectively.

PTSD

In post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), past trauma resurfaces in situations that remind the person of the original distressing event.

When triggered, people with PTSD experience a range of symptoms, including physical responses (shaking), avoidance of anything that reminds them of the distressing event, difficulties with memory, negative beliefs about themselves, irritability, and rage.

Friends and family can feel confused by their loved one’s behavior and may unintentionally cause further distress. This is especially the case if the person with PTSD isn’t aware of their emotional triggers. PTSD is also associated with feelings of numbness, which can create emotional distance in relationships.

Bipolar Disorder

When someone is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, they experience mania (euphoric mood) and depression. Such mood swings can strain relationships. Others in the person’s life may feel caught off guard.

During mania, a person with bipolar disorder may engage in risky behavior, such as gambling, shopping sprees, or promiscuity. They may also experience intense anger.

Loved ones may feel confused by the shifts between the highs of mania and the lows of depression. They may struggle to support their loved one through unpredictable emotional states.

Personality Disorders

Personality disorders include borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, and other conditions within the personality disorder category of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

People with personality disorders have an unstable self-image. It can be challenging for them and for those in their lives to feel like they are in a secure relationship. When people have personality disorders, they can struggle to communicate their needs and understand others’ points of view.

People with personality disorders often have trouble being flexible in relationships and having awareness of the impact of their own behavior on others.

Substance Use Disorder

Substance use disorder (SUD) can be hard on relationships. When someone struggles with addiction, they may say hurtful things they would never otherwise express. They may also engage in dangerous activities. Addiction can sometimes lead a person to lie or steal to get high or drunk.

Family and friends of a person with SUD may feel isolated, betrayed, and frustrated when their loved one won’t seek help. Those close to someone with SUD can struggle with enabling behaviors and intimacy issues.

Substance use disorder can affect relationships by causing trust issues, emotional distance, and communication problems. SUD often leads to neglect, conflict, and inconsistency in relationships.

It’s important to know that there are effective treatments for SUD, as well as all the mental health conditions listed above. As people treat and manage their mental health issues, their relationships with themselves and others heal as part of the process.

Recognizing Warning Signs in Relationships

Relationships can profoundly affect our well-being, fostering security and safety. However, when relationships become unhealthy or harmful, they have the opposite effect. Recognizing red flags in any romantic, familial, or platonic relationship is crucial for maintaining mental and emotional health.

Recalibrating Your Connection

Sometimes, relationships just need recalibration. For example, you and your partner might feel like you’re spending too much time together, which can lead to feelings of suffocation and irritability. If this is the case, branching out and engaging in activities independently is important. Pursue hobbies or sports your partner doesn’t participate in, join volunteer groups, or support causes you care about. This space can help individuals grow and bring new experiences into the relationship.

On the other hand, you might find yourself drifting apart from a loved one, spending minimal time together, and feeling disconnected. If this happens, making a conscious effort to reconnect is important. Schedule regular time together, whether it’s a weekly dinner or a shared trip. Small gestures like these can reignite closeness and remind you of your bond.

Identifying Red Flags

Recognizing red flags is vital for ensuring the health of any relationship. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, relationships exist on a spectrum from healthy to abusive. Below are some red flags:

• Criticism and Contempt: Constant criticism and contempt can erode the foundation of any relationship. Instead of constructive feedback, contempt involves attacking the person’s character. This leads to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.
• Defensiveness and Stonewalling: These behaviors can halt communication. Defensiveness might involve denying responsibility or deflecting blame, while stonewalling happens when one person completely shuts down and refuses to engage. Both behaviors can prevent healthy resolution and deepen conflicts.
• Imbalance of Power: Unhealthy relationships often feature an imbalance of power, where one person consistently dominates or controls the other. This can manifest as disrespect, pressuring a partner into activities, or insisting on spending time together exclusively.
• Loss of Independence: Individuals maintain their sense of self and autonomy in a healthy relationship. It is a major red flag if you or the other person feels afraid to make decisions independently or constantly fears retribution.
• Isolation and Threats: Signs of an abusive relationship include being threatened, mistreated, or isolated from friends and family. Such behavior not only impacts mental health but also severely restricts one’s support network.

Relationship researcher John Gottman identifies criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These harmful communication styles can create an unhealthy environment, ultimately leading to the relationship’s “apocalypse.” Recognizing these negative communication patterns, along with toxic relationship dynamics and behaviors, is the first step toward addressing the issues or leaving the relationship for good.

If you believe your relationship is abusive or that you are in danger, it’s important to seek help. You can reach out to a licensed health care professional or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.7233.

6 Tips To Grow Healthy Relationships

Maintaining and deepening relationships is crucial for our well-being. While each type of relationship has unique dynamics, some general principles can help strengthen any personal connection.

1. Acknowledge and Validate Each Other’s Feelings

It’s important for people to express their feelings and to have someone close to them validate those feelings. Acknowledging these emotions is vital whether someone feels tired, overwhelmed, or joyful.

When challenging feelings arise, loved ones should figure out how to help each other cope. Sometimes, people need time to reflect alone; other times, they need emotional support. Taking a few deep breaths and then communicating can make a significant difference.

2. Don’t Keep Secrets!

While maintaining some privacy in any relationship is healthy, withholding important information is not. Sharing every thought and feeling is unnecessary, but sharing anything that could affect the relationship is crucial. If you know something will upset your partner if they find out later, it’s best to share it sooner rather than later.

3. Pay Attention to Each Other’s Needs

As relationships progress over time, it’s easy to take each other for granted. Remain aware of signs of distress or sadness in each other. Learn to read their body language. If you see signs of anxiety, such as tense muscles or a withdrawn posture, ask how they’re feeling. Regular check-ins show that you care and are attentive to their well-being.

4. Schedule Check-Ins

Life gets busy, and addressing relationship difficulties can seem inconvenient. Scheduling regular relationship check-ins can help. These meetings can be more formal than date nights and occur monthly or weekly. They provide a space for expressing concerns and wishes without judgment.

5. Don’t Make Assumptions

Even if you’ve known someone for a long time, never assume you know what they are thinking or how they will react. Clear communication, often involving clarification, is vital to a healthy relationship. Avoiding assumptions ensures that both parties understand each other’s perspectives and needs.

6. Cultivate an Extended Network of Friends

Having a network of friends can enhance any relationship. Friends can relieve pressure by providing companionship and healthy distractions. They can support and offer feedback during challenging times. Viewing your relationship with someone through the eyes of friends can provide a fresh perspective, helping you recognize its strengths and deepen your connection with that person.

Impact of Loneliness and Isolation

Loneliness and isolation can pose detrimental effects on mental health and mortality. Loneliness can trigger depression, anxiety, and even cognitive decline. A study published by the National Institute of Health found that loneliness and social isolation increase mortality risk by 29%. This highlights the critical importance of maintaining healthy relationships across all aspects of life.

Relationships are vital for emotional support, yet loneliness can hinder one’s ability to reach out and connect. When someone feels isolated, they might believe they are a burden to others, preventing them from seeking social interactions. This can lead to a cycle where friendships and other close relationships deteriorate due to a lack of communication and engagement.

Loneliness and isolation can have several negative effects on mental health and relationships, including the following.

Increased Risk of Depression and Anxiety

When isolated, individuals often lack the social support needed to cope with life’s stresses.

The American Psychological Association reports that social isolation is a significant risk factor for both depression and anxiety disorders. Negative thoughts can fester and grow without someone to talk to or share experiences with.

Cognitive Decline

The National Institute on Aging states that socially isolated older adults are at a higher risk for cognitive decline and dementia. Engaging with others helps keep the brain active, mitigating the risk of cognitive impairments like dementia.

Physical Health Impacts

The effects of loneliness extend beyond mental health—loneliness can lead to a weakened immune system, higher blood pressure, and increased inflammation, contributing to various physical health problems.

Research in the Psychological Aspects of Cardiovascular Diseases Journal indicates that lonely individuals have a higher risk of cardiovascular diseases.

Impact on Relationships

Negative effects on relationships can snowball into a vicious cycle. People who experience loneliness may isolate themselves, making it challenging to establish and sustain connections. If you’re already feeling lonely, this withdrawal can make you even more isolated.

Feelings of isolation can strain relationships within families. A parent’s inability to connect with their children due to feelings of isolation might result in an emotionally fragile household. A similar dynamic can develop between siblings or friends who don’t talk to one another, gradually eroding their relationship.

Being in a romantic relationship doesn’t eliminate the possibility of feeling lonely. Emotional connection and personal fulfillment are essential factors that go beyond simply having a partner. Emotional distance, physical separation, lack of communication, loss of individual identity, and unmet needs can all result in loneliness. When one spouse is lonely, it may influence the other, making it harder for them to feel connected and intimate.

Individuals who recognize these effects and take action to promote social connections can improve their well-being and build better, healthier relationships.